Cus you say.

Nuffnang; Click the ad below!(:

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 @ 5:32 PM | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.

My maid went back to Philipines today..

Had been working on music and poem for her last minute.
Although what we went through was not easy through these almost 2 years.
You said you wanted to see me attend prom night and finish schooling ITE.
But you had to leave before all these happens..
I wans't notified that she was going back today.
I knew about this yesterday, my mood was seriously dull.
No passion for work, not into anything at all, but just trying my best to give her last minute farewell present.
Recorded her favourite korean and english songs..

Before i entered the lift to sent her off to the airport, i cried all the way to the airport.
I was feeling very sad and bad.
Cus she's doesn't know that she is not coming back after 2 weeks.
And my parents said, tell her at the airport before she enters the departure hall.
I know it's very cruel, i don't agree to this as well but what can i do?..what can i say.?
Tried to avoid eye contact with her when sending her off..cus i think just by looking at her my tears just can't stop flowing.

I will definately miss her
miss talking to her about what's going on in school and work
miss watching korean dramas late at night
miss laughing together
miss telling her my stupid jokes and being idiotic towards her
how i asked her to buy food for me when dad doesn't allow,
how she try so hard to wake me up every morning to just get up for school,
how badly her cooking can gets that i sometimes said harsh and hurtful words to her
It's always like that.
I said i don't take things for granted but i guess all these things i'd done was enough to show that i do take her for granted..
I know it's just too late to say all these now, but i know wanting her to come back isn't possible anymore..
had a short conversation with her before she left, i asked her "are you angry with us for telling you all these when you are departing?" her reply was "no, i just feel sad..i thought i could come back after 2 weeks but i think..(she starts crying). I can't help it but cried too..
Cried so much today that i was so exhausted that i haven't had anything since morning..

This house,
no longer have your smell,
your laughter,
the sight of you walking around the house...

No one is gonna talk to me in this house anymore..
I never liked staying at home this much as before..
but when you arrived, you made me really feel home.
Yes i may sound lonely here, but it's true
I really am lonely at home..
nobody to talk to.
nothing to do.
Only Music fills my days, that's all.

But ever since you are here, i looked for things to make fun of/talk about,
sometimes when you are sad cus you miss your family, i don't know why
but i feel like brightening up your day, doing what i can with my words and actions.
I'm sorry that i didn't say all these to you just now, and had never expressed how i felt.
Now that you won't be able to see this post or hear what am i gonna say to you, i'm trying to lie to myself that you will see it one day but i doubt so.
I admit im always like that when i have something to say, i just can't say it at the right moment but the moment when i know he/she is not here anymore.

The new maid has arrived, and i have not spoke a word to her yet.
Ever since i reached home, i'm hiding inside my room.
No mood for anything and everything.
Mom came in and talked to me just now, she's trying to "wake me up" asking me not to be like that.
She asked me "am i blaming her(mom)?", i didn't said anything and just covered myself with pillow.
She said, "do you think i want this to happen as well? your reacting like it's my fault, showing shit face ever since you came back". I don't blame her, but i just can't bear to see my maid go back..
I know you might think im a spoilt brat, for my bad attitude and behaviour but ..sigh...
Am speechless as well..
It's so sudden that i still can't accept the fact.
Xin ying Xin ying Xin ying!!!
dry your tears and move on.

Hope my farewell present touched her and she can feel my sincerity and she will bring all these memories back with her.

You voice and action is still so vivid in my mind.
My goodness, me and my sister is sitting right in front of this computer crying the hell out of us.
Those times when we eat together, when we walk together..when you wash/cook for us..
... ... ...

Miss you terribly Julie..
So much that it's beyond what i can say.
This is my first time crying till so bad..so bad that im just not myself
i feel so numb..

This is the first and last picture taken with her yesterday..