Cus you say.

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Tuesday, December 1, 2009 @ 3:15 AM | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.

Damn it!
I don't know what can i do to stop missing her!
My biological mom, if you are wondering who is that "her".
Seriously, i don't know why.
There is a very weird feeling which i am feeling nowadays.
So weird that i just can't describe it.
It's like so near yet so far feel.
Like, someone you long lost has suddenly appeared again.
Okay not horror thing or what.
But just a feeling that that someone you've been longing for
might be just that "somebody" from the crowd you're in.
Okay i know you are trying to imagine things right now or just plain confused about what im trying to say.
Or maybe im just imagining things too much, or perhaps i miss her till crazy.?
But i really wonder where on earth is she?
-Is she thinking about me?
-Does she even remember me?
-Is she still alive?
-How is she doing now?
So many questions.
I tried to hide it and pretend that i don't miss her, but actually i really do miss her.
Yes, i hate her for abandoning me for money.
But that's the fact.
And the fact is she gave birth to me.
Although dad really dislike/hate me mentioning anything about her.
But we have been receiving mails from the insurance to her.
And the letter keeps saying that, "please update us with your lastest information/details".
It's been 11/12 years now that they had divorce.
And the insurance still not updated about it.
Recent'y i found out her birthday. (:
It's 22 August.
(:
Won't forget that day.

Oh i gave my resgination letter to my manager already, last week.
Bei yi's bf, li xian helped me write.
Damn happy cus if i didn't give the resignation letter then i couldn't quit.
And many conditions apply.
6 Dec is my last day of work.
Monday, tuesday and wednesday is my off day!
Finally!
My foot is swollen, cus i "over-worked/walked" during work.
Have been working full shifts for these past few days.
But kind of worth it too, cus i counted me salary for this month, it's over 1000.
But minus off the amount that i spent for prom, i'm left with 600(approximately).
400 goes to family and 100 goes to my cpf.
100 left on me.
):
Well, no choice.
I'm the eldest among my siblings and i guess this is part of my responsibility. :/
I'm saving up for a new phone cus my current phone is giving me many problems.
Don't know whether it's my phone or sim card.
1.I receive messages many hours or one to two days later.
2.Can only message one person for that time.
3.My earpiece for my handphone is spoilt, one side can listen the other can't.
Want to ask dad whether i can buy a new earpiece for my mp3 and hp.
Really can die without music as well.
But i don't think he will allow.
sigh...
have to save up for soo many many things.
He might think im getting these because of what i want and not need.
But im not those kind of person when i see others have, i must have it.
But dad/mom says im like that.
Sometimes i want to tell them that it's my hard earned money, and i just want to buy something for myself. It's not like i have extra, but because my gadget is not working then i need a new one.
Don't know why dad gets so angry when i tell him i want to buy something using my salary.

oh grandpa is staying at my house for a week or two!
Because his maid went back and will only return in a week or two's time.
Because i'd been working full shifts these few day, i hardly see him.
But every night when i come home and when i enter my room to get my clothes, he will say "xin ying ah, you come back already ah? How's work and are you hungry?", these words really warmed me up.
I asked him "ah gong(means grandfather) you haven't sleep yet ah?" then he replied "no lah, want to see you come back then i sleep loh." then he said "you must be tired, hurry go shower then sleep early".
(:
Waiting for me to come back safely and knowing that i'm fine and all then he feels relieved.
I had never felt this way for such a long time.
A feeling of being loved by family(:
Love my grandpa loadssss!!!!!
He watched me grow, and now that he is old, I can take care of him like how he took care of me when im little and even now!
A caring heart filled with love never change^^