Cus you say.

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I'm content with the life I have.

Sunday, October 19, 2008 @ 1:49 AM | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.

Went to buy clothings for the Kunming trip with kar yun today.
A place near my house got sale, so we decided to go and get our things from there as winter clothes are expensive. We searched a big round in that place and went around to ask for directions as the place we go looks the same. It is factory and office. We got lost and couldn't take it, it was so hot and the place is very hard to find. So decided to take a cab. And the driver got lost too. Kar yun started to panic a little then we asked the uncle to turn back from where we come from. And we finally got to that stupid place. Looked for the barangs barangs for very long then in te end buy 2-3 items only. We tried the winter cap and keep on laughing cus we look weird. In the end yun bought the cap but I buying some other days within the coming week. Leaving next Sunday.
Headed to Parkway to shop for long johns at Winter Time. I bought the mens' type cus the ladies wan is very disgusting. >Giant>Watson>Home sweet Home.

Went to my dad's shop to help him.Was super late but luckily he never scold me. Sigh..

A few hours later sophia and wan ting came to look for me. Was surprised that wan ting came along cus she cant go out at late hours. We chatted while eating. It's a joyous and precious time-spent together.
He works so hard to let us have a better living. Seeing him working so hard to give me money to the Kuming trip, really felt very guilty. We're not rich like before, and this simple life I have is something I should feel contented about. Although my mother abandoned me when I'm a child but everything is just so clear now. My dad can choose not to keep me but he did not, and gives up his position in the ____ society to keep me safe and free from trouble.
I had never expressed anything to him other than wanting this and that or complaining.
I may seem to demand for things but I could never want anything more than you love and care.
To me, you are my one and only greatest dad. Want to express my love to you but I don't know how will you react. You sacrificed so much for me yet I forgotten basic things like your birthday and father's day. Never give you any gift in my life for any important occasion. I used to blame you for not maintaining the marriage but now I know what's your reason. Although you never mentioned anything about it, and I don't even dare to mention anything about the past. You will give me a horrible scolding/lecture. You don't explain why but I see your sorrows in your eyes.
I know I'm not hardworking and not getting good results, skip school/lessons and give you plenty of problems. Make you headache and worry for me, I was wild in the past but I realised what you have done for me. I couldn't say anything about what you did, cus you are a really great and generous dad to me. You appear to be fierce and rough but actually you are a very nice person dad..
I don't know why am I saying all these here but while typing what I feel, my eyes are filled with tears.
I won't mention anything about that women who gave birth to me anymore, I will accept this mother and give in, love and care for her like how a child would to his/her mother. I won't give you any worries relating family, I will try and I promise you here. You may not know what I write here unless you look into my blog. Everytime when I see you, I can only feel guilt towards you.
You give me allowance everyday for school, allowing me to go to trips like Kunming, you let me have what I desire cus you think without mother's love, these can bring me satisfaction or happiness. I won't deny that I put my friends before family but now I doubt whether should I make a little change. I'm not good in academics or can say anything other than talking rubbish and I don't know what am I for. I failed to become a good child/sister.
I will try and sacrifice my time-spend with friends and come home early to bond with you and brother. I'm really anti-social till I can't manage with my family.(can lah but don't want only)
I would always think freedom is all I want, but now freedom is not really what I want, there's still something empty in my heart and that is times with you.
I think I am very selfish that I didn't care about how you feel and how you struggle to feed us.
Happily eating and enjoying life and in exchange to let you work so hard.
You don't care about your own safety and got accident never go for check-ups, just apply any cream that heals. Which it doesn't. Your limbs bled like what like that yet still go to work. I was in camp, you didn't even inform my teachers to excuse me to go home to see you. You said this to me and I just couldn't control but to burst into tears. You said "Because you like to go camps, so I don't want to disturb you from you time there". You would rather let me enjoy what I like and make me worried sick about your condition after that. I don't even care if I'm doing what I enjoy like camps, trips and going out with friends and to exchange it with your life!
I don't want to lose you.
I will study hard for my weak subject/s and show you my results.
All I want now is to give you a report slip with no red marks.
This is what you longed for from me. Give me a chance to be fillial to you..
And I am really content with what I have now, I couldn't long for more than anything than my friends , grandpa, family,relatives and of course not forgetting is my dad..
I won't miss out any important occasion with you anymore dad.