Cus you say.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008 @ 7:30 PM | 0 comment(s) | add a comment.

Today checked CPA, Chinese and Maths paper, passed cpa and chinese but maths of course fail.
Cannot put hopes in my maths, got U grade again. It not something new for me when I get back my maths results with XXX on my paper. Almost 1.5 marks to 70 for cpa and chinese.
Today when checking maths paper while im supposed to do corrections but I was playing and chatting about the camp tomr and atc. Then Mr tang asked me "xinying, did you do your corrections?", I replied "no" he asked why and I said "because I give up hope on maths already".
He asked me to go out of the class and asked me why and all. I simply told him "no matter how hard I try for my maths I still fail. And from primary one till now, I think the best grade I've ever get is D. I know it's very low to get D grade but to me it already satisfy me.
He said he had never give up hope on me and asked me to buy sec 2&3 textbook, he will teach me every chapter during holidays. I was very touched when he said this cus even my dad give up hope on me but mr tang didn't. He said he will do everything he can to motivate and help me in maths, cus he said he had not tried his best and so do I. After hearing what he said, was touched lah but still got no motivation.:/
Alright finished about exam papers now, today cried in front of her and told her what I need to say. It's really kindda embarassing crying in front of my friends and cannot really say what i wanna say. Bridget was there to help me say some on behalf of me as I can't do it. Jin gui was by priscilla. So started the conversation, I got alot of things to say to you but I can't put myself to it as I really lack of courage to do so.
Then I talked to her personally and told her what I feel, it's really kindda stupid and embarassing while talking and crying at the same time. But hopefully you've read the post in my blog. Can't believe that I say I LOVE YOU to you (as a bestfriend/buddy)
i've got childhood friend but through the years I've never said these to them.
I know it's a waste to put aside everything we've gone through in the past but I really don't want to patch things up nor talk to you about this. Cus History Will Repeat.
If you really treat me as a childhood friend, you wouldn't lie to me and do it purposely to agitate me, when you know I'll be worried. Friends tell the truth not hide anything from you. But you managed to tell me the truth and it's good enough for me to know already but there are certain things which you hid all these while without me knowing and had to hear it from others to know the truth. And you might be thinking what an you're hiding from me, you know it clearly if you don't think over carefully.I thought I would not shed tears for you but I did. While talking to you, I tried controlling my tears but it just bursts out. I asked you a very difficult question and I knew you couldn't answer it. Don't know whether after this talk I had with you, you understand what you means to me. I can't say it through me all I can do it to express it in my blog. You may think its a waste of time or funny but when I see you I just feel like COL (crying out loud).
I only want to patch the friendship between me and you, the rest can seriously forget it.
Don't try to talk to me about them anymore, it won't get inside me and I'm sick of listening to these.
I won't regret the decision I've made and this is my decision, no one can change my mind and I will face whatever consequences that will bear.